


Collateral Damage

by Little_Red_Hot_Riding_Hood



Category: BBC Sherlock, Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Abandonment, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Canonical Character Death, Daddy's home, Depression, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Drunken Confessions, Drunkenness, Dysfunctional Family, F/F, F/M, Fake Character Death, Family, Family Secrets, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen, Gun Violence, Guns, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Nightmares, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre and Post Reichenbach, Presumed Dead, Reichenbach Falls, Reichenbach Feels, Secrets, Snipers, Substance Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Violence, abandoned, daughter - Freeform, did you miss me?, father - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-01-27 22:03:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1723988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Red_Hot_Riding_Hood/pseuds/Little_Red_Hot_Riding_Hood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We all keep our own dirty little secrets. Sebastian knows this but he  didn't really think it was a dirty little secret..so he didn't tell Jim he had a daughter. He should have but he didn't. Now Jim is gone and Sebastian tries to reconnect with the child he mostly abandoned for the wild life his lover gave him but it turns out..maybe his little secret wasn't so secret after all. His daughter has her own secrets she's kept. However in the end they both just are collateral damage of the whirlwind that is Jim Moriarty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sebastian swallowed another mouthful, the bitter taste sliding down his throat as he watched the telly on mute in the darkness of the room. He tried to focus on anything but his memories. Tried to recall what life was like before..before Jim. It hurt and one of the reminders was sleeping upstairs, completely unaware of how Jim had changed everything. One of his biggest regrets is that the other would never know. He pulled his self to his feet and tossed the now empty bottle in the bin before heading up the stairs. He passed by the door of his sister's room, thankful she was out for the night. He owed her so much..not just for letting him stay but..he stopped outside the door and couldn't help the weak smile at the butterflies and tiger stickers that decorated it.

 

He opened the door quietly and glanced inside. It had gone through so many changes over the years and he hated his self for not being around for it. Maybe if he had told Jim..no he couldn't start on that. He couldn't think about everything that could have been but he couldn't help but feel cheated. He'd given up one part of his life for another only to lose them both in the end. He could hear her breathing softly and he wanted to cry as he could the dark roots of her hair, she'd taken to bleaching it a few years ago to look more like his self..but all he saw when he looked at her was him. And how her mother could have been Jim's twin. And then he hated his self all over again. He had no right to put more self hate on the kid. She'd gone through enough when nearly ten years ago he dropped her off here with a promise of coming back, of taking her home and that he'd take care of her. He'd rarely seen her over the time..got high and drunk after his discharge not able to be a man and just admit he fucked up. Then Jim came into his life and it got better. He hadn't realized he'd nearly forgotten about her in his new life (and love life) until he received a scathing call from his sister about missing the girl's tenth birthday, how he promised to visit and take her out, just spend time with the child he brought into the world on accident and yet loved. She'd apparently sat on the porch waiting all until late into the night falling asleep out there only to be found the next morning shivering in the cold crying that she'd been forgotten. She'd gotten sick and had been put into the hospital. He promised her then he'd do better..he hadn't done as much as he should have.

 

No amount of money would ever make up for it, he knew that now. She'd barely looked at him when he arrived. Not even after he explained to Augustus what had happened, he had watched her listening from the door way of the kitchen just out of sight of anyone who didn't know how to watch out for intruders. He'd lost two people..one was dead and the other..the other was a ghost who was slipping through his fingers faster then smoke because he was selfish. He stepped into the bedroom and looked about seeing no pictures of him, not anymore. He could remember when pictures of the two of them covered everything. Her constant photos, her spastic energy and need to move..so much like Jim when he had an idea and couldn't let it go. How he did the same thing in his office space, cover every inch with his latest idea. Gods they were so fucking alike and he fucking couldn't stand it some times. He had left London to get away from the memory only to find it waiting for him in the form of the teenager he'd left behind and alone. To be raised by an aunt who clearly had other things on her mind then her niece.

 

He reached out stroking her hair as she slept. “I'm sorry...I'm sorry I should have told him. I should have done better.” he said his voice hoarse cracking from emotion and too much to drink. “I'm sorry I'll be better..I can't lose you too.” he said pressing a kiss to her forehead before leaving the room not seeing her turn in her bed watching him go or the tears streaking down her face now. She curled up and pulled her phone out from under her pillow and sending off a quick text she curled up around the stuffed tiger that had shown up on the door step nearly a week after her tenth birthday and the day she got out of the hospital from being sick with a note and a J and S intertwined with an M embroidered on it's left foot. She was nearly asleep again when her phone beeped with the reply.

 

_**'I know it's hard but just keep Tiger safe princess..Daddy will be home soon. I promise I'll make it up to you and him.'** _

 


	2. Chapter 2

Myra could remember the first time she'd met the man in the suit. The one she'd call Daddy. She hated the hospital..she hated even more being brought back to the house and left alone in her room. Her Aunt far too busy to stay with her. How her father, Sebastian, had been called away on an emergency at work and he left promising to come back. She'd been sleeping when the packaged arrived the deliver man leaving it on the porch with her name on it. She didn't bother to wait just opened it and squealed as best she could happy as she pulled the large stuffed tiger from the box and touched its soft fur. She found the embroidery on the foot and was confused until she pulled out the card. It was a lovely (and expensive she now knew) birthday card. She was confused at the words inside but loved it all the same. She sat up waiting hoping Sebastian would be back soon but soon fell asleep again. Waking only when she was picked up.

 

“Silly little girl. You'll make yourself very ill again. Your Papa and I don't need that.” the Irish voice echoed in her ears and she looked up. The dark haired male wearing a suit that carried her into the house and upstairs. “I see you found your birthday gift. I'm sorry your Papa had to go on a job but it had to be done.”

 

“He is coming soon?” she asked softly.

 

“Yes he is. I'm sorry I've kept him away for so long but right now you need to focus on getting better.”

 

“Who are you?”

 

“I'm your Papa's partner, my name is Jim.” Jim had said as he brought her upstairs to her bedroom and tucked her in. “Now how about I read you some fairy tales until you fall back asleep?”

 

“I'd like that.” Myra had replied softly cuddling up to her toy.

 

She couldn't remember how long he read but she had fallen asleep and woken up several times and he was still there. The day he left was the day before Sebastian came back. He left her a cell phone with several numbers programed in it.

 

“Which one is you?” she asked clutching it to her chest.

 

“Look at them and tell me.” he said with a chuckle before she quickly went through them.

 

“Daddy.” She said after looking through the contacts. “You're Daddy...right?”

 

“Yes princess. I'm Daddy. Now remember be a good girl and don't tell Papa I was here.” Jim replied tucking her in one last time before she had fallen asleep.

 

She had kept her word and not told her father about Jim visiting or sending her gifts but they made her smile. Made her feel apart of her father's life even though he couldn't be there with her all the time. When ever their time was interrupted Jim would come or he'd send a present. So when she'd watched the news and saw what had happened she'd fallen apart in private. She was going to tell Papa the truth...but the day he was going to arrive she got a text.

 

_**'Daddy's going away for a bit baby girl. Try not to let your Papa do anything too stupid. JM** _

 

And like that all the air in her lungs was gone and she collapsed in on her self. He was alive and he had lied to everyone..everyone but her..fucking hell she was going to kill him when he got back..if her Papa didn't do it first.

 


	3. They would be okay

Myra lifted her head from the bed when her cell phone beeped and she glanced at the clock. It was mid morning..too damn early and too damn bright in her opinion as she slid out of bed and made her way down stairs. She wondered why she didn't smell coffee then she remembered her aunt had left yesterday for a trip leaving her and her father alone..yeah that would go over like a lead balloon. She started up the coffee pot and then flipped the radio on. 'I Can't Decide' by Scissor Sisters came on and she had to fight laughing and crying as it reminded her of her Daddy. So she just sang along with it as she started up on breakfast.

 

“I can't decide weather you should live or die, oh you'll probably go to heaven please don't hang your head and cry.” She sang laughing to herself as she stirred the mixture for the omelet she was making for herself. She had no clue her Father was standing in the kitchen doorway laughing silent as she danced across the kitchen as she kept on singing. She certainly made a sight in just a pair of pajama bottoms and a lose t shirt with her hair sticking all over.

 

Sebastian couldn't believe how silly his daughter looked and he wondered how he had gone a day without wanting to watch her laugh and smile. For a brief moment his mind created a fantasy of her and Jim making breakfast (well Myra making breakfast and Jim watching since he burned toast) laughing and talking singing the same song just to annoy Seb. He felt the smile stay on his face even when he realized she'd stopped and was looking at him.

 

“don't stop on my account.” he found his self saying as she slowly returned the smile.

 

“Omelet?” She offered

 

“Sounds good to me.” Sebastian replied sitting down after pouring his self a cup of coffee and making a face. “Gods kid..who taught you to make coffee..” It was certainly strong enough to remind him of when Jim made coffee.

 

Myra bit her lip to stop from saying 'Daddy'. He had taught her how to make it during one of his stays while her Aunt was gone and her Papa was away on a job.

 

“you don't like it?”

 

“It's perfect kid, just needs some milk and sugar.” Sebastian said giving her a smile before she retrieved the items.”Thanks baby girl.”

 

“Welcome.” Myra replied only a little bit of a tight smile on her face.

 

Maybe..maybe this wouldn't be so bad for them..maybe she and her Papa could get to know one another and be happy. At least until her Daddy got back..but then she knew all hell would break lose but until then..well she'd get to know the man she missed.

 

Unknown to Myra the same thoughts were going through Sebastian's head (though not the part about Jim returning). He drank some more of his coffee and ate the omelet when it was presented to him. It was nice and very domestic in away that he had never experienced but he felt he could learn to love.

 

“Hey kid..I was thinking..how about you and I spend the day together..I seem to recall a promise of taking you to the park I never fulfilled.” He suggested softly.

 

“I'd love that.” Myra responded with a smile.

 

They would be okay.

 


	4. Stuck with each other

It was strange..he couldn't help but think that..part of his mind kept seeing his little girl..and then when he'd blink she'd be a teenager. He had no clue what to do with her..when she'd been little things had been a bit easier..simple stuff made her happy but now...now he didn't have a damn clue.

 

The park had been good..they'd walked and talked a bit. He asked her about school and such. She returned asked her own questions. Though he had to stop when she asked one paticular question.

 

“How'd you know I...?” he said.

 

Myra didn't look at him just kept her head turned down and away. “What else besides work could keep you away? Papa..you've always been good not the best but good..and auntie might have said some things.”

 

Okay she was lying through her teeth but she couldn't exactully tell him about Jim and everything..not yet.

 

“Kid..fuck I'm sorry I just..”

 

“You loved him..and you wanted him happy I get it..you choice him..you got stuck with me.” Myra said simply waving her hand. “Come on Papa I want some ice cream.”

 

Sebastian tried to argue with her but found his words cut off and ignored so he just hauled the girl into a hug.

 

“Papa.” Myra sighed but happily returned the hug.

 

“Kid..you don't get it..I wasn't stuck with you..you were stuck with me.” He told her softly. “I love you kiddo..and I messed up..I started working so much to give you better..didn't think maybe you needed me more then the money.”

 

“Papa..we can't change the past..but we can work on the future okay?” Myra said pulling away to give him a smile.

 

“You're right kid..come on I owe you ice cream.”

 

 

 

 


End file.
